Djemps's Xanga

Saturday, July 17, 2004

Sat, 17 Jul 2004 15:54:01 GMT

When it comes to Xanga, I've been in a Do-Nothing rut for the past three months. I know this isn't much of a post today, but at least it's something, and maybe just putting my toe back in the water will help me get going again. Here's another reason to resume posting... I'm paying for Premium.

I promise to tell you all (anyone who's still reading this) what's been happening in my life next post. Right now I'm off to a Wedding Party for some friends of mine. I bought myself a new pair of swim trunks so I can take a dunk in the pool today. Trying them on was depressing. I've gained 30 lbs since coming back from Haiti, and not a single ounce of that is muscle, trust me.

Oh well. For now I'll leave you with an odd personality test I found on Delonna's site. It takes your name and turns it into a martini recipe. I kept mine because I like the results.

How to make a Djemps

Ingredients:
5 parts mercy
3 parts humour
3 parts energy

Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Serve with a slice of lustfulness and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Monday, May 17, 2004

Mon, 17 May 2004 16:56:21 GMT

Jars Of Clay lyrics :: Worlds Apart lyrics

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die
To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache
Can I be the one to sacrifice?
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees
All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me
Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
I wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain,
wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
this sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
turn to dust and fall away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, and I pray, and I pray
take my world apart
Worlds apart.

Monday, April 12, 2004

Mon, 12 Apr 2004 02:24:33 GMT

Roughly two more weeks and this semester is over. Then I'll be back.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Thu, 25 Mar 2004 21:37:46 GMT

My friend, Jessica Saul has a brother named Joel who is the exact same age as me. Born August 9th 1980. He's a Marine in a special sniper squad. Joel's been in the service for three years now. This summer he was itching to put his training to use, maybe get shipped out to Iraq, but instead he got locked into a desk job, which was driving him crazy. A few months ago he came back up here to Rochester to visit. Everybody was together at a friend's house. My buddy Mike Turiano was in the kitchen talking to Joel and another man who is a professional carpenter. Mike looked at this guy's huge, rugged hands, and made a remark about how our profession realy shapes our hands. "Sometimes I wish I had carpenter's hands like yours, but I've got artist's hands" Mike said. Joel held up his palms. "These are killing hands."

Joel went back to base after that and continued working at his desk job. Then last month I got an email from Mike T asking everyone to pray for Joel Saul because he just got orders to ship out and would be entering a possible combat situation. I bet everyone was thinking Iraq, but I knew in my heart it was Haiti. Well I was right. Do you remember reading in the news about a car that tried to run a roadblock in Port-au-Prince? The driver refused to stop, so a Marine Sniper had to shoot him. Guess who fired the shot. Joel Saul.

I know there are never any easy answers in life. Did that man realy need to die? I don't know. Joel was just doing what he was trained to do. Who knows what would have happened if they didn't stop that car? But I remember how he stood there in that kitchen and looked at his hands and said "These are killing hands." Joel knew what he was trained to do. He had no confusion about what his purpose was. Yet there he was, stuck at a desk job, wondering if he would ever have the chance to put his training to use. Then all of a sudden he was placed in a position where he had to make a decision and react in a split second. All of that training which seemed wasted came right back to him. He made the national news. I'm not saying that we are all killers. Some of us are healers, and encouragers. But I think about Joel and how he KNEW what he was inside. Now I remember to look at my hands and remember who God made me to be. It may not seem like I am doing anything with my hands that I want to right now, but I know that someday I will.

Monday, February 16, 2004

Mon, 16 Feb 2004 20:35:03 GMT

Superman

When I was going to MCC for my Associate's degree back in 99-2000, I worked relief hours at Heritage Christian Homes. Jackie is a little old man who lives at the house I worked at. Jackie has Mild Mental Retardation and Down's Syndrome as well as Bilateral Cataracts (which means he don't see too well). Everybody who works at the house just loves this little guy. He likes to sit in the living room easy chair and listen to the classical music station while petting his stuffed dog named Tanner. Jackie has a whole library of little catch phrases that he says when the mood strikes him.

"Ooh! That's right!"

"Good job. Perfect!"

"Your face and nose."

"Leggo my Eggo?"

"Good morning, good afternoon and good evening."

Jackie has difficulty recognizing faces due to the cataracts over his eyes. He can't tell the difference between most of the staff who come and go at Heritage. A few lucky staff have had the privilege of recieving Jackie's special attention... Ken, a kind man of 55 years with a shock of white hair is "Dick Clark!" according to Jackie. Bai, a tall black man from Sierra Leon is "Tarzan!". Now remember, Jackie is mildy retarted and can't see too well. He doesn't call these men names to tease them. Jackie seriously thinks that Dick Clark and Tarzan come to work at his house and give him meds.

Back when I was in school Jackie never learned to recognize me. I was just another blurry faced staff to him, unlike his special friends Dick Clark and Tarzan. When I got back from Haiti and was hired to Heritage full time I was so excited to know that I'd be working with Jackie once again. My first day back on the job, I thought I would re-introduce myself to Jackie. I bent down in front of him in his easy chair and said "Hello Jackie."

"Hi dere!"

"Do you remember who this is?"

Jackie squinted carefuly at my face for a moment and then got extremly excited.

"Superman!" he exclaimed and then threw his arms around my neck.

I hugged him back, grinning ear to ear.

I often find myself feeling discouraged or visionless living here America. Sometimes I don't think that I have grown very much as a man. People see my outer self and think that I've got my life all wrapped up and under control while inside I know there is still so much that needs to change and heal. I know my inner struggles and sorrows. I'm painfuly aware of my weaknesses; the Kriptonite stones of my life that I am forever striving against. I am no Man of Steel. Even still, I take heart in knowing that despite my frequent mistakes and shortcomings there is at least one person in this world who truly believes that I am his 'Superman'.

Thanks for believing in me Jackie.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Tue, 10 Feb 2004 22:08:48 GMT

"Have you ever heard of the term Metrosexual before?"

My friend Joe asked me this one day during dinner last week. I had only recently learned the term myself...

"Yeah. It refers to a guy who has a lot of fashion sense and is sometimes mistaken as being gay." I replied. I think I knew where Joe was going with this one.

Men are required to wear ties when attending class and chapel here at Elim. Most of the guys quickly change into T-shirts and jeans for the afternoon as soon as they get the chance. I, on the other hand; will walk around in my dress shirt, tie, slacks and sports jacket all day and into the evening. Joe often stops me at lunch and asks incredulously why I'm still wearing a tie and a jacket. "Becasue I like too" I reply with a smile. And now he was asking if I knew what Metrosexual meant.

"People like Carson Daly and that Queer Eye for the Straight Guy kinda stuff." I said. "You know..." I went on, with a twinkle in my eye. "I used to work at a men's clothing store in the mall a few years back. I would sell suits and put together outfits for the male customers who didn't know how to match colors. I got pretty good at it."

"Exactly!" Exclaimed Joe. "I didn't know how to tell you this, but you are such a Metrosexual! I can't stand it!"

I thought that was hilarious. After dinner I called Stacy and asked her the same question...

"Have you ever heard of the term Metrosexual?"

"No way!" She burst out laughing. "Where did you hear that?"

"A friend of mine just said I was Metrosexual."

Stacy shrieked with laughter on the other end of the phone. "I was describing you to my Aunt last night. She was like: 'Stacy, have you ever heard of the term Metrosexual?' I just about died!"

This gave me pause. How Metro am I after all? If just a simple description of me causes one to jump to the Metrosexual conclusion then things are a little more serious than I thought.

I began to examine myself; my mannerisms and my phrases, the things that I am known for, and I realized that I am in big trouble. Example... Apparently it is heavily circulated among the female community that James is highly gifted at shopping for women. My services are often requested by the girls whenever a friend's birthday is coming up. Even Stacy's mother demanded that I give her a hand selecting gifts for her daughter this past Christmas. The worst part is that this rumor is absolutely true. I love shopping for women! It's so much more fun than shopping for men. When it comes to guys, everything is the same: shirts, pants, socks, shoes, maybe a belt or a tie, not much diversity there. While women have a virtual painter's pallete to chose from: so many different styles and outfits and accesories and colors! There's never a dull moment in women's fashion... Oh wow... see what I mean? This is a serious problem.

So a few days later I'm standing in the dinner line with my tray. Joe walks up to me, points at the coral colored button-down dress shirt I'm wearing, sighs and says; "See? This is what I'm talking about."

I sit down with another group of friends. Just for the heck of it I say. "Have any of you guys heard of the term Metrosexual?"

"Yeah man!" says one of the guys. "We were all talking about this the other day. And everybody says that you are the best example on campus of what a Metrosexual is."

...great... just great...

At that point I decided to say 'to heck with it' and wear my mantle of Metrosexualness with pride.

Yes, it's true. I take more time in the bathroom in the morning than many women. I have an entire bookshelf of books that have actualy been read. I use a hair dryer, styling wax and pomade. I don't own a full set of silverware yet, but there's a set of my mother's plates that I am planning to steal when I move out. I eat sushi. I own two pairs of cufflinks and many shirts with french cuffs. I enjoy going to places like the Memorial Art Gallery, Rochester Philharmonic Orchestra and Little Theatre and often go there by myself. My name is James, and I'm a Metrosexual.

Saturday, January 24, 2004

Sat, 24 Jan 2004 23:11:54 GMT

Just a snippet of an entry to ensure you all that I'm still here and doing well. I'm on my way out the door to attend a masquerade ball with my friends this evening. It's going to be great!

Saturday, January 10, 2004

Sat, 10 Jan 2004 22:34:33 GMT

DancingToDreams did a great job of translating my Haitian proverb in the last post.

I am the lamp, you are the moth.

In other words... "You always come back to me."

This one can be used for many situations; some good, some not so good. I meant it as a joke... mostly.

I've been getting many new visitors to my site recently. I just wanted to welcome you all and say hello and ensure you that I've been checking out your journals, but I just don't have as much time as I'd like to compose comments for everyone. I guess I am a bit of a 'perfectionist' about what I write usualy. Or perhaps obsessed is a better word. It takes me so long to put together a paragraph before I am happy with it. I'll lean back in my chair, glare silently at the computer screen, place my hand against my chin, furrow my eyebrows, and disect what I've already written in a search to find weak phrases and limp sentences. I want every word to have impact. I'm learning slowly to relax and flow freely with my writing, but it takes time.

Enough of the self depreciating megalomania already. On to more important things.

My Grandpa Head passed away yesterday. His condition was quickly getting worse. He wasn't being very coherent and couldn't take his pills. My Grandma called my Mom and Dad and suggested that the whole family come out for the weekend to see him one last time. We were planning on driving out today. Now plans have changed. Instead of visiting Grandpa Head we will be attending Visiting Hours tomorrow. The funeral is Monday afternoon at 11. Grandma asked my brother William and I to be pall-bearers. My other brother, Raymond, is at a Motorcycle Mechanics Institute in Orlando Florida. He can't make it up here for the funeral. It's such a shame because Ray was probably the Grandson who spent the most time with Grandpa Head and knew him the best. I know the full weight of losing my Grandpa has yet to effect me. I'll write again in a few days after everything is over and I've collected my thoughts.

Even in this moment of uncertainty in my life I am comforted in knowing that God is still in control. I don't understand why all this needs to happen, but I have trust that God is good and He has our best interests in mind. I want to pray for all of you who know me, or are just getting to know a single piece of me here on Xanga.

I feel like there might be so many of you who are pushing through your own kind of pain right now. It doesn't have to be the loss of a loved one or a breaking relationship. Deep change often bursts forth in a moment of deep pain. My prayer is that you will find your comfort in God today, and His loving comfort will bring you the change you've been longing for.

When Finally Set Free

Feel the pain teaching us how much more we can take,
reminding us how far we've come.
Let the pain burn away from our hearts.
We have time to start all over again.
If you will shine your love down here.
And make our hearts as perfect as new.
If you would shine your love down here
I promise I'll reflect it right back at you.

			-Copeland

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

Tue, 06 Jan 2004 22:35:28 GMT

One of the main reasons that I've been enduring so many overnight shifts at the group home these past months was in the hopes of saving up enough money to begin the Missons & Cultural Studies program at Elim Bible Institute this Spring. I wasn't sure if I could make it in time so I never realy mentioned it here in my Blog. Last week was the final week before classes started. It was my last chance to sign up and begin classes. I checked my bank account one last time. I had $4,400 in the bank with a check for $600 on the way. Total tuition for classes and room & board for this semester was $4,600. I had made it by the skin of my teeth! I contacted the Admissions office, gave them all of my papers and immunization forms and recieved a call the next day confirming my acceptance to the School. I'm going back to College!

I've only been here three days so far but I can confidently say that this is realy where I'm meant to be for the moment. Everything seems to just fit so well. I've already had numerous encounters with people that I can only descibe as 'divine appointments'. Things are moving and changing this New Year faster than I had ever anticipated. I'll still have plenty of fun stories for you guys; possibly more than usual if I am given an exciting 'Out Station' like a Homeless or Prison Ministry. This isn't some stuffy old Theology School where people silently levitate from one location to the next and spend hours pouring over voluminous musty tomes of spiritual head knowledge. The attitude here is to get dirty and raw and experience ministry in a real world setting. I anticiapate some neat stuff in the near future. So stay tuned.

That being said, I must let everyone know that the internet filter here at the college is supremely tight. I'm blocked from all Xanga access on the main LAN connection because Xanga is a third party website that is unable to effectivly moniter the millions of pages that it hosts (or some such sillyness). I'll post the true message when I have the chance so everybody can roll their eyes in a collective moan of disbelief. So I'll only have time to update and leave props about once a week now. I hope you won't get too starved for my attention while I'm away.

I shouldn't worry about you guys not stopping by anymore. After all...

Mwen se lanp, ou se papiyon.

Care to translate that one for them Luke?

Saturday, January 03, 2004

Sat, 03 Jan 2004 08:03:14 GMT

My New Year's resolution is to stop taking online quizes and then posting them on my Xanga as if it was a legitimate update. I went on an online testing glut the other day to prepare for the quizless dry season ahead of me. I've got enough stuff here to last me through all of 2004.

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

A journalist eh? I can see that. I think my writing often gets away from me with all the flowery descriptiveness that I'm guilty of, but in the end I'm just trying to make people feel like they are there with me... And that's a quality of Journalism right?

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

When Delona took her Enneagram Test a few weeks past I skipped over it because I couldn't understand the numbers and letters. Never mind them. Just read the description below for the Conscious Self and Overall Self categories. All you folks that know me... is this pretty accurate or what?

Enneagram Test Results

Type 1	Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	33%
Type 2	Helpfulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	69%
Type 3	Ambition	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Type 4	Sensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Type 5	Detachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|	24%
Type 6	Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|	29%
Type 7	Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	67%
Type 8	Hostility	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	33%
Type 9	Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	67%

Your Conscious-Surface type is 2w3
Your Unconscious-Overall type is 9w1

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

I find it interesting that my Calmness and Adventurousness scores are tied at 67%. What an odd combination.

The Big Five Personality Test

Extroverted	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	68%
Introverted	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	32%
Friendly	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Aggressive	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Orderly	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Disorderly	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Relaxed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	68%
Emotional	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	32%
Openminded	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Closeminded	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%

Take Free Big 5 Personality Test

Extroversion results were moderately high which suggests you are talkative, optimistic, sociable and affectionate but possibly not very reflective.

Friendliness results were high which suggests you are very good natured, trusting, and helpful but possibly too much of a follower

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you tend to be unreliable, lazy, careless, and unmotivated.

Emotional Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, unemotional but possibly too unobservant of your feelings.

Openmindedness results were moderately high which suggests you are creative, original, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

Overall (of the Big 5 factors), you scored highest on Friendliness and lowest on Orderliness

Again, if you know anything about me this is pretty much the way it is. Especially the low score in Orderliness. I guess now that it's a clinical aspect of my personality I don't have to work on getting better at it eh?

What Classic Movie Are You?

This one is just fun.